March 5th - You Could Have Been Nicer
I think maybe you could have been a bit nicer at the beginning of that phone call.
I have just gotten off the phone with a man who wants to help out the company I work for with some of his ‘proven advertising tactics’. He starts the phone call by reprimanding me for not listening to the recording he’d created of his phone call with my boss yesterday - a recording that neither he nor my boss shared with me. He then proceeded to over-explain (mansplain, anyone?) his tactics, not once asking me what I do and what my opinions were. Funny. I had thought this zoom call was meant to be a conversation between two equals.
When he finally deems me worthy of his attention, it’s to say So, [your boss] tells me you’re a very talented creative. I can’t help it. I have finally gotten a chance to speak, and I’m not going to squander it. Well, I say, laughing a little to let him know I’m not actually angry, I like to think I do a little bit more than just ‘the creative’.
He looks surprised, though I don’t know if it’s because he’s shocked to hear I have a voice or if it’s because he didn’t realize I was capable of creating more than just pretty things. I continue. I worked for a media agency for 15 months, working hand in hand with the director of strategy, so I have a fairly good grasp on what people want and why. I’ve been working hard to bring that knowledge to this company through…. and then launched into the various ways that I have made change at this company over the last three months. Sorry, I know you didn’t ask, my dude. But I’m sure as heck going to tell you.
Austin was lying on the couch behind me, just out of camera-sight, for the majority of the conversation. I could have been nicer?! He started out that call a misogynistic pr***, and by the end he was saying things like ‘we, as equals’. I think I handled it pretty well. I don’t think you’d be saying I should have been nicer if I were a man. He disagrees on that point. He says he would be saying the same things if I were a man. I could have phrased things differently. I could have gone into the call not expecting the worst (to be fair, I think the last thing I said to Austin before jumping on the call was well here goes an hour of my life I’ll never get back. I didn’t exactly have high hopes).
If I were a man, I would have gone into that call confident that the man in the screen began the conversation with respect for me and what I do. But I’m not. I go into calls assuming that I have to prove that I’m worth respecting. If I’m proven wrong, great. If I’m not, I’m prepared and I’m not overly disappointed. Today, Austin was right. I could have been nicer. But if I’d been a total angel, I doubt this man would have asked if he could pass along my name to his clients - I may not have been the most sugary-sweet version of myself, but I was successful.
