March 20 - Specks
Unfortunately, this week the universe really conspired against me. I have not been sleeping and work is a madhouse. (And yes, I am aware that the two are potentially related and no, I am not interested in unpacking that right this minute.)
When I don’t sleep, everything hurts my feelings. A text from my friend? Terrible underlying tones. My client didn’t love work I presented? Well then they must hate me. Even the universe is out to get me. (Conspiring, if you will.) I don’t run out of coffee grounds because I forgot to buy coffee grounds, but instead because the Greater Powers That Be are specifically looking for ways to make my life a Living Hell. I don’t not sleep and also have a jam-packed work week because my jam-packed work week is stressing me out and making my brain spin in circles when I close my eyes (see, I am slightly self-aware…), but instead it must be because of some evil plan hatched up by The Universe.
When I get into these type of moods, it helps me a lot to think of a quote from Jemima Kirke, an actress in the TV show ‘Girls’ (which I actually don’t really recommend, but I do love and follow Jemima). Someone asked what her advice would be for unconfident young women and she said, very simply, ‘I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.’
Okay? Ouch.
But on further thought… not so ouch.
For the most part, people are too busy thinking about themselves to really spare you that much thought. People have their own friend and work stresses, and the Greater Powers That Be probably have bigger fish to fry than making sure a 27 year old girl (woman? ick) doesn’t have coffee.
Another way I’ve seen this thought explained is by imagining something embarrassing you did in public. And then imagining how small of a part of an witness’ day it was. They lived a full day… and one 2 second snippet of it was watching you spill coffee down your white shirt. What was the worst. Moment. Ever. To you… probably meant next to nothing to them.
So, anyway.
I don’t mean for it to sound depressing. Of course we all have people that deeply care for us. And, at the end of the day, we’re just tiny little specks on a great floating ball, which can actually be deeply calming for me to think about.
